I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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