I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
