I think I died a long time ago.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
