my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize