TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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