cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
