he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
