i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have aggressive nipples.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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