Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry about my life...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
