My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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