u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
