It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
