it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize