her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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