Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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