I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
