I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
