It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
