oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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