im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
