I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
