I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize