Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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