He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
