did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize