i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
