So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
