I just cut my nipple shaving
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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