Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
