I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize