and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
