Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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