are you still at the devil's house?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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