Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
