just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
