I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
