I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize