i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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