he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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