just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
