I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
