the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
