i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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