We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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