Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
