Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
