Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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