Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
