1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
