if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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