oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
