I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
