You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
