That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
