Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
