So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize