They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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