I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize