real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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