Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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