we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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