i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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