they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
