did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
