She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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