My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
