Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
