I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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