my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
