im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
