i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
