Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
