life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
