hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
