Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
