i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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