I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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