i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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