remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
