You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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