Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
