I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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