Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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