Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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