I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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