Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
