I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
