Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize