FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
