singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
