Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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