I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
