he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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