ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
