my sisters under your porch take her home
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
