Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
