Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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