hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize