I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
PANTIES FOUND
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