I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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