thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
