I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
