There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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