So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
