I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
