just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
