I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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