Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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