so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
