She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
