That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
